Below you will find a story written by a Twin Flame runner. It is quite clarifying to get some insight on their point of view, the emotions and fears they struggle with, while all the same still feeling the attraction and intense love we feel as well. Knowing what they are going through might help us be strong for them, and work even harder on healing our own inner wounds. We can do this. We promised. We owe it to them, and most of all: to ourselves. We are one. 🙂
I am a Runner. I ran from the connection. It literally took me 6 months to even see that I was the one who was running. What you have to understand about the Runner, is that they are in absolute agony, and they are being pulled by the energy of the connection, which is absolutely maddening. I felt my own pain, but I also felt my Twin Soul‘s pain. It was a feeling of panic. I would wake up with it, and it was the most awful feeling. The only way I can describe it is waking up from a sound, peaceful sleep and in a matter of seconds, you feel extreme anxiety and this ungodly feeling of loss. Your heart is actually hot and it pounds; your chest is sweating. It’s the sensation of a nightmare where you’re being chased, only you’re awake. That’s how I would wake up every morning. Combined with feeling his pain and emotions, I was also feeling this incredible pull towards him. Everything in my body was telling me that I need to be with this man. But, something was telling me inside that I was not ready. Something was telling me I needed to really look hard at myself and my issues and fix myself, so what happened with my Twin Soul would never happen again. I knew that even if he called me and told me how much he missed and loved me, I would still be a mess. There would never be a happily ever after until I did the work on myself. So I ran. And by running, I dove further into myself (if that makes sense) to fix what was broken inside me. I stopped going out with my friends and became a hermit. I worked and came home, and that’s it. I was in an emotional coma. I was dealing with the loss of my Twin Soul, the strong energies that were pulling me to him, his pain, my own pain, and to top it all off, I was going through a spiritual awakening. I was a mess. I also knew this was my time to fix all my issues. I knew I had to run and be myself to do it. I love my Twin Soul so much that I didn’t want him to have to deal with me until I had fixed myself. So I disappeared. I took myself off Facebook, and I became a ghost. I honestly didn’t even know I was running from him. In the meantime, I saw signs every day telling me that this connection to him was the real deal. I felt chased by the Universe. I kept thinking “Please leave me alone! I’m just trying to get over him, and you’re making this really hard!” In my head, I thought he was the one who had run out on me. That’s how crazy these connections can make you. The energy is so strong that you feel like you’re going insane. That’s why they call it “Runner’s Insanity.” It wasn’t until April/May, when I had the realization that I was the one who had run, and I was the one who was still running. I saw everything clearly and I thought about our fight and the way things had played out. And I realized that I couldn’t deal with the intensity of the connection anymore, so I said “If you want me gone, I’m gone.” I saw it as me giving him an out because I thought that’s what he wanted, but he didn’t. He ended up taking the out because he thought I wanted it. We mirrored each other’s fears. I’m sure by forcing his hand to end it, I broke his heart. I hurt him, but I hurt myself, too, in unfathomable ways. Even as spiritually awakened as I was, I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. I couldn’t see that I was the one who had ended it. I couldn’t see that I was running. As She wrote in her article, Why is my Twin Soul Running from me?, runners leave the relationship out of fear.
They are scared to death. They are frightened of the intense love they feel for their Twin Soul. They are so terrified that this feeling of love is one-sided that they high-tail it out of the relationship as fast as their sneakers can take them! – But where does this fear come from? The fear comes from deep-seated issues that have plagued this person for not only all of this lifetime, but previous lifetimes. This is what is meant by “karma.” Karma is soul memory. In our past lives, we experience many things that will teach us lessons. These lessons can come in the form of losing the loves of our lives, being abandoned, betrayal by somebody we love, or even somebody killing us, and the soul never forgets. The pain of all those things resonates within us, until we do the work to clear and heal the karma and the issues, once and for all, which is exactly what Twin Soul connections do. But nothing about the process is easy. It’s incredibly painful. It truly is a blessing, but it will feel like a curse sometimes. It’s the Universe’s way of fixing us. With extreme pain, comes change and transformation. During these separations, only until you have seen the darkness will you see the sun. It is something that we must accept as we move through this spiritual journey. By meeting the Twin Soul, a mirror is held up in front of the Runner’s eyes, and they can see everything that is wrong with them. All those issues of self-love, abandonment, codependency, etc., come to the surface. Suddenly, this person sees their issues, issues that they’ve avoided for possibly lifetimes, and it’s terrifying, so they run, run, run. They don’t even know what they’re running from. They just know they need to get out. And by getting out, they leave their Twin Soul behind. Many of you may blame your Runners for walking out on you, starting new relationships, and rejecting one of the most Divine unions a person can ever be blessed to have, but you have to realize that this is all part of their journey to find themselves. They cannot be with you until they do that. Some people aren’t as spiritually enlightened, so it’s going to take them longer to find their way back to you.
Some people will try to distract themselves any way they can (relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc.) so they don’t have to face their issues, but trust me, they don’t have a choice. They can put it off, but it will happen. You can’t fight the Universe. When I ran from my Twin Soul, I loved him more than I loved myself, because I didn’t know how to love myself, which was one of my issues. True love must come from within before you can give it to another person. You have to love yourself first, or a relationship will never work between you two. There is no way around it either: Once the energies between Twin Souls become unbalanced, you separate, and the Universe forces you to balance the energies, whether you like it or not. The only way to come back together is for each of you to work on yourself separately. Only through inner love and happiness will a reconnection take place. In the meantime, you have to accept that they are on a personal journey, and you can’t blame them or feel that they’ve abandoned you. They haven’t. It all goes deeper than it seems. What you see on the surface is a person who has left you because they don’t care about you, but if you look into the spiritual side, you will see they have left because they love you so much that they have to become stronger just so they can handle the fire storm of love and emotions they truly feel. They have to be able to look at you aka their “Mirror”, and like what they see. Some of them aren’t ready to do that. Some of them haven’t found the love within themselves yet. And some of them have a deep soul knowing that they’re not ready to be with you. It’s okay. Let them find themselves. And if that involves having other relationships, you must accept it is a part of their journey, as difficult as that may be. No pushing on your part will ever make them come back. They will come back when it’s time. The only thing you can do is do the inner work, find peace amidst the chaos, and balance amidst the pain and pull of the connection, and love yourself. Loving yourself is the key to surviving this Divine connection. Without love in your heart, you will only experience pain. And ultimately, the pain will keep you from reconnecting. Love will bring you back
Reply from another running Twin:
I can’t read all of it because it hits home so much. I’m still feeling the things this article describes. I’ve done the same things for the same reasons. Fear. My Twin Flame was saying: “read this.”. I hadn’t read it yet but I’d said my main reason for running was fear. I identify with the feeling pulled, feeling pushed, feeling chased, feeling insane, and feeling I’m so screwed up that I’m no where near ready or able to have a relationship of this intensity. I’ve run so many times. I’ve deleted my social networking, blocked my Twin Flame, was certain I was doing the right thing, then after some time I’d be checking the one place I’d left open to them, hoping for a message. I thought: “This is insane! I ended this, I mean it. Life’s less dramatic now!” It wasn’t less dramatic, it wasn’t my Twin’s dramatics that were causing me insanity. It was my own. My head gets so crazy sometimes that I can’t take the pressure I put upon myself to be whatever it is I think I’m meant to be to my Twin Flame. So after putting the pressure upon myself, I blame them and run. I see it, I know I do it, I still run. It’s confusing to me. I feel confused a lot of the time. Like this person can see through me in ways no one else ever has. It’s so unnerving, I run. The connection is something I could feel from half a world away. I could physically feel it. I didn’t know what to do with that being as I wasn’t spiritually aware. I knew nothing much of anything spiritually. I could only say: “I’m ‘feeling’ you right now.” A heavy, peaceful and warm feeling in my chest and arms. I’d settle into it and my emotions would calm. Then we’d go on for a while good like that, then I would feel the confusion and fear set in and start to bicker. I’d point fingers and blame. I thought for a while a curse or something had been placed on me! Anyway, after each run, I’d always come back. I had never done what with anyone else. I mean, each time I ran I said, “THAT’S IT, I’M OUT FOR GOOD, DON’T CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN.” Then I’d be the one to reestablish contact a few months later. Just a “hi” or stupid emoticon. The relief was just as huge for me upon our reunions as it was for my Twin Flame. I play the hard one. I play like my shell is uncrackable. I act as though I’m not hurt. Truth is I feel everything so deeply I crumble. I turn it inwards into myself and overwhelm myself with it. I put up my wall and say: “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”
We are currently living together. After the past two years of my running. I’ve had some serious spiritual growth happen in those two plus years. My eyes have been opened and I am able to shut down my head and listen. Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes the pressure is still too much and I crumble. I still put up walls. I still play like nothing hurts me. I blame and pick apart my Twin’s habits that mirror the ones within me that I don’t like. The change now is that I’m spiritually aware and willing to move further along the path. I have seen that I can’t trust my head. I see that I am “cosmically fucked”. Haha. That’s my loving endearment for being in this TF relationship. My TF is equally f’d because I’m no peach. I know this. Their patience and unconditional love in the face of my behaviour reminds me how much I am truly loved for exactly who I am. I have never known such fierce loyalty from friends or family. The love and loyalty alone scare me! Like I can’t trust unconditional love because my experience says people don’t love other people like that. I’m starting to relax into this. I find at times I’m happy, like really happy. I have had glimpses into what it could be like to feel settled and happy with my TF. Those glimpses and my spiritual growth are what I rely on when my head starts in on me again. I know I can’t trust a lot of the thoughts that run around in that head of mine. I’m over thinking. When I stop thinking and allow the feelings to run through me, it’s amazing. I can’t describe the feeling other than peace, love, acceptance, and wholeness. Then the fear comes back. What if I really settle into this and they leave me? Then the walls start coming back up. As a runner, please someone tell me this will settle! Anyway. I have written a mini novel, but wow, I feel better having gotten that out. I may read the other half of the article later, but for now it brought up so much that I needed to stop. I never realised how theraputic writing all this could be. I hope I’m not thrown to the wolves for being the runner of the union amongst many chasers. This is just how I am. I haven’t even figured myself out, much less could I comment on other runners. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. xx
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